For a long time, I believed that the conflict in my life was everyone else's fault.

I had experienced a lot of it—from being bullied as an eight-year-old, to deep conflicts in communities and my own marriage. I felt misunderstood, and my response was anger. I was a shouter. I wasn't physically violent, but my shouting was a form of emotional violence that scared the people closest to me.

And I couldn't see it. I genuinely believed I was the reasonable one, and the world was just winding me up.

Until one afternoon when I was 37.

My 12-year-old son was having a meltdown, which triggered my own anger. I was holding him by the shoulders on the lounge floor, shouting at him to calm down.

And then, he spat in my face.

In that exact second, something shifted. I suddenly saw what I had become. I let him go, and I made a silent promise to myself: the next time I felt that rage rising, I would catch it before it left my mouth.

The very next day, the anger flared up again. Every instinct told me to stay and fight. But I remembered my promise. I walked out of the house.

After 15 minutes of walking, the heat faded. And I realised something profound: no one had been hurt. I didn't feel the heavy weight of shame. All my choices were still intact. I could go back and speak calmly, or say nothing at all.

I had found the pause.

That day changed the trajectory of my life. I realised that between the trigger (what happens to us) and our reaction (what we do next), there is a gap. If I could learn to stand in that gap, I could change the story.

That is what The Four Turning Points method is. It is a structured, simple way to find that pause.

You don't have to be a "violent shouter" to need this. We all have stories our minds make up when we feel threatened, misunderstood, or overwhelmed. This method is how we stop the story and find clarity.

I spent years doing further training in facilitation, mediation, and personal development, but the core of this work will always come back to that moment on the lounge floor.

If something in this resonates with you, you are warmly invited to explore further. The best place to start is by joining one of our free Open Practice sessions. It is a 45-minute guided space to experience the method for yourself.

Fill in your details below for full free access to the method, videos and invitation to that 45 minute open practice.

Id love to see you there.

Les Peebles